Walking your own path
What someone else thinks
Creating a life that suits you completely and truly walking your own path is no easy task! But it becomes even more difficult when you are sensitive to other people’s input. In my work, but also in my private life I often see people allowing themselves to be inhibited or otherwise bothered by the (supposed) expectations, opinions and judgments of other people. While in essence these don't really matter .... but more about that later.
Fear of rejection
Being concerned with what someone else thinks can easily lead to adjusted behavior, because subconsciously we do seek approval. Deviating from the norm and making different choices for yourself than the collective does, can induce stress and evoke (old) fears. The fear of being rejected and/or ending up alone. In a distant past, this equated to a death sentence. These days we are living in very different times of course, and in that sense this is no longer the case. But still, the attachment to other people's opinions is still firmly engraved in many people’s DNA.
Do you also allow yourself to be influenced too much sometimes by what others think? Then read on, because in this blog I'll give you some more info and tips that can help you to let go of that some more. Which will make it easier for you to go your own way!
The influence of stories
First of all there are the stories, sometimes even entire films, that we tend to create in our heads about how another person will react. Say you have decided to quit your permanent job, because you want to devote yourself fully to your creative projects from now on. If you expect your family to give you trouble about this, then you probably feel somewhat hesitant to tell them so. Maybe this even affects your own enthusiasm or your plans .... which is a shame of course! Moreover, these kinds of scenarios, the stories you tell yourself in your head, tend to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Adjusting the scenario
The question is also whether your scenario is even correct. Is it really true what you came up with and how do you know it will be like this? Us humans tend to think that the thoughts we come up with are true .... including what we think about others and what others think (about us) .... do you still follow? :-) But in practice it could always turn out differently. And fortunately people can continue to surprise! What if next time you would start with a different story? How does that feel? And does it lead to a different result perhaps?
Everyone has their own truth
Whatever happens, someone can have all kinds of motives to react as he/she does, but these often have very little to do with you. So don't take it personal.
Indeed, a negative reaction doesn't really say anything about you, but all the more about the person reacting. As a human being, we have no choice but to think and act from our own personal frameworks and level of consciousness. What someone brings forward is therefore always a projection of his/her own truth .... it’s not THE truth and certainly not the truth about you! So you don't have to worry about it so much.
You alone can set your course
It’s your own responsibility to create your life the way you want it to be, just as you’re 100% responsible for your own happiness (not the easiest message, I know, but true nonetheless!). Whatever anyone else may think of the choices you make, you are ultimately the only one who can determine whether something is right for you and fitting for your life. No one else has that ability. And that’s only logical, because other people can never oversee your life path .... just as you don't know theirs. This may be the most important argument for staying close to yourself.
So learn to listen carefully to your own truth and dare to stand up for it, no matter what anyone else thinks. You can't be friends with everyone nor make the whole world happy, and you certainly shouldn’t aim for that either. It doesn't make your life (or you ;-)) any more fun or colorful ....
And don’t be discouraged by expressions of jealousy. The more you shape your ideal life and the more happiness, freedom and the like you radiate, the greater the chance that this will be confrontational for someone else who is not there (yet). Try to see this for what it is, that takes out the sting.
Finding your own answers
Whether it was asked for or not, well intended or not so well intended: just don’t allow yourself to get too distracted. If I had listened to all the people who felt they had something to say about me and my life, I would never have gotten to where I am now!
Instead, keep going back to what you want. What do you feel? What do you need? And what does that mean for your life? And then follow up on that. That's also what a good coach does: (s)he doesn't tell you what to do, but helps you find your own answers. Although I do have to bite off my tongue sometimes as well of course ;-)
Lastly: there are always going to be people who don't understand your choices. Who don't get you. Not everyone can speak your language, or be a fan of all that you are and do. And that's totally OK! It doesn’t matter, because you don't have to please anyone. So don't devote any (more) energy to that. You really don't need the approval of others, only your own. Stay true to who you are, because the relationship with yourself is the most important one you will ever have in your life!
Published on: May 10, 2019 - © Lux Life Coaching